Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
