i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Say something about gay babies.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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