put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I deserve this hangover.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
