k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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