cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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