my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
