So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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