You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
