awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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