"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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