didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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