Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
