First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
