I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
