dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
