so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
