I think my fart just growled at me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
