Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
