Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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