i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
