One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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