I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He kissed a someone with a penis
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
