She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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