im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
