i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
