I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dick has a subreddit
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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