when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
