: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
