ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
