That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I looked at my own cervix.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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