I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
