happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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