marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
