Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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