I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
