I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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