"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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