sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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