brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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