hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
