I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
