i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
