that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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