at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
