everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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