my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
