From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
