My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
