weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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