you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
