3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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