Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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